This early morning hour of raindrops falling on the pavement outside, the birds (although they are exceptionally loud today) chirping, the ambient sounds of ceiling fans and tires on wet asphalt. It makes me sleepy thinking about it, and after a restless night of vivid life-like dreams, Rocky’s mewing me back to bed is tempting. Today is a cemetery day, and as soon as the rain lets up I’ll make my way to St. Charles. I had hoped for drier weather, one where I could linger on the bench near my parents’ grave and read for awhile. There’s something comforting about being able to spend time in quiet reflection.
Time, when you’re paying extra close attention to it has an odd rhythm. It’s as if someone is alternately pressing on the fast-fast-forward and pause button on a remote control. Tangible emotions but everything else is a blur. The pace of this last year moving through the grief, learning a new way of thinking, and looking back at life...it’s almost indescribable how we, I got here. One year later.
After experiencing both variations of dying, the drawn out meddling of cancer and the quick and fast accidental death, I honestly can’t say which is worse or better. I only wish that we were all lucky enough to pass in our sleep, after a fitful day of time spent with friends and family, and doing things that we love. I wish that we could all be better prepared for death when it knocks on our loved ones door. Above all, I wish we would live our lives well, following our dreams without fear and judgment, without being constantly reminded that our time on this Earth is precious and should be spent well.