triggers

Nightmares, dreams lined in murky shades of gray, smoky black. Friday night I went to bed early, and was haunted by vignettes of terror: war, guns, violence, anger, black and white with red. Every time I woke eyes wide open staring at the ceiling, glancing to a clock that seemed stopped in time, as if it too were part of the dream. One final burst of waking sleep brought comfort with the presence of a faceless lover holding me in a passionate embrace. Stirring from that took effort, and with it came a full-blown headache (and my period). In my dreams I am. 

When you're on the pill, your period either regulates itself, lessens considerably, doesn't come at all or is a sporadic combination of any of the three. Regardless of when or how you bleed, one thing is certain the other hormonal symptoms--the soreness, the aches and food cravings--they linger, and never really go away. And therein lies the catch-22. 

Some of those symptoms, are in themselves triggers for my migraines. Sometimes I know what the triggers are and sometimes that helps. I know what to look out for, what to avoid, what to moderate. Less noise, more sleep, another yoga class, though when it comes to the food cravings its hard to not give in to the sugar or the ice cream, mmm. The dairy is what caught me this particular day.  I had a fantastic Swiss feast of Raclette on Saturday evening with a healthy mix of vegetables and protein, sated and fulfilled. I woke up to a coffee and bagel breakfast and then inspired by the letter "M" I pushed the envelope beyond its limits preparing manicotti and mozzarella for a pot luck dinner on Sunday. By the time the guests had left the auras arrived like unwanted intruders. 

Almost 24 hours later, the auras are nearly gone.  I lost my Monday to  another round of vividly surreal dreams (this time involving beaches, flood, foiled technology and phone messages)--not the kind MLK had in mind for sure. A day lost to sleep, meditation, a steam shower, vat of soup and detox tea.  A day coming to a close, at the beginning of a week i wish i could skip.