5/29/13

lessons learned


I've had a ridiculously productive morning: preparing a meal for dinner, a homemade lunch for work and making french toast for breakfast, all while still having enough time to eat it and write a bit before jumping in the shower. I like this kind of productivity it makes me feel alive and in my own skin, where I can feel the immediate impact of my efforts.

Getting up early in the morning, that's something I used to do ages ago. There was a time I would wake up at 5am, complete the 8 mile bike loop around the bridge, come home, shower, eat breakfast and then leave for work. That has been a foreign idea to me for quite some time. But I like the idea of it, of setting up a ritual to ground oneself before the day begins. The day, every day should be your own, driven by your own intentions and not those of others in your personal life or your professional one. That's one of the lessons I learned on my India trip.

When I plan a leisure trip I normally have a good sense of what I'm doing at any given time. While there's never a tight regiment of what is happening when, I like to map out my activities day by day to give it some kind of thematic structure--even if that means lolling about the beach reading a book. It's my way of being mindful to myself and my experience. This time around though I relinquished control, I let go; allowing for others to take the lead in planning and organizing. No doubt it was a liberating experience, and although I'm grateful for the things I learned about myself (and others, friends and strangers), I don't know that I would do that again.

When you let go, it can shift perspective, but it can also shift persona and you may find that you lose a part of yourself in the process.  That part scared me a bit, that my confidence level could shift to an extreme where my true nature was hidden from view. Whether it was the trip, a mind shift or something else entirely, it has made me more thoughtful about who I am and who I want to be.  
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